I have hated this day since middle school and that passionate dislike has only grown over the years. Granted, if you know me you know I am not a big fan of many holidays, including but not limited to: St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, Halloween, and April Fool's Day. Each comes with its own set of frustrations.
St. Patrick's Day - I never remember its coming because it is such a useless celebration which results in one of my least favorite things in the entire world, getting pinched. I despise getting pinched. I would rather have my hair pulled. I don't ever wear green. The only green clothes I own are Northwest Missouri State t-shirts. If you had to wear red on St. Patrick's Day I would be okay because I wear something red about every other day. I also hate that it's just turned into another excuse for people to get plastered because restaurants serve green beer. Here's a little hint, you could put some green food coloring in beer any day of the year at home and it would be the exact same thing.
Valentine's Day - I just don't like being told when I am supposed to be romantic. I have always been a pretty romantic person on my own and the expectation that I should show my wife that I love her "more" on this day is ridiculous. I desire to love her more and more every day of my life not some random day in February. Last reason, those chalky, candy hearts have to be some of the nastiest candy on Earth.
Halloween - The day just screams evil to me. A majority of people dress up as monsters and go around scaring people. I don't like to be scared and I do not enjoy scaring other people. Therefore, I spend a majority of Halloween trying to pretty much avoid anywhere. Plus, the older I have gotten the more revealing women's Halloween outfits have gotten and it makes me uncomfortable. To add insult to injury, most tv stations run awful horror movies for like 24 hours so when I am avoiding people I can't even watch tv.
April Fool's Day - This brings me to today. The worst of all holidays. Can it even be considered a holiday? We are literally celebrating nothing. At least the others have some back story for their existence. Today millions of people will be publicly humiliated by their bosses, teachers, friends, coworkers, etc. They might get an oreo filled with toothpaste or told they got fired or told they are getting broken up with. Don't worry innocent people, because after you get the shame and embarrassment you get told "April Fools" like that makes it all better. Anyone heard about the movie "The Purge?" April Fool's day is the public shaming version of The Purge. For one day of the year people can run around without social consequence being mean to each other and making their lives miserable. Honestly, don't play an April Fool's joke on me unless you want me to get "Jason trapped in the car being driven to the Pirates movie" kind of mad. If you don't know how mad that is, go ask Matt Kraft, Dan O'Neill, Logan Miller or Jim Wardian and they will assure you that you don't ever want to make me that mad.
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