I graduated from college about seven months ago and got married soon after that. Even quicker than the turnaround from college graduate to married 22-year-old was the physical move from Omaha, my home/place I stayed during college for the last 22 years, to Springfield, Missouri. My life couldn't have changed much more, unless Claire and I got pregnant of course. I have always been told that change is difficult, change is uncomfortable, yada yada. Now that I am living it, I don't think I had ever really thought about it. That, or I just believed I was the kind of rock star that could handle it with ease. For those of you that will enter this stage of life this spring, or are maybe even experiencing it a little bit now with student teaching, get ready.
I think the most difficult aspect to my different life is the spiritual community that is around me or not around me if we are being specific. For those of you that don't know or even for those of you that "know" but might not understand, I was extremely involved in a college ministry during my four years at Northwest Missouri State. The ministry is called the Navigators, and God used this group of people to radically transform my understanding of the Gospel and what that means for me and the purpose of my life. I was surrounded by people every day who were going to both challenge me and encourage me. For the last 3 years of college I had two bible studies a week, I met one-on-one weekly with believers both more and less mature than me with the intent to grow ourselves in our walk with the Lord, I worshiped and prayed with my friends.The list goes on. The point is, so much of my life literally revolved around "spiritual things." It took very little effort for me to feel like I was pursuing God, and that was a big mistake.
Seven months removed from college, I am starting to see places where I put myself on spiritual auto pilot. I knew what I wanted my life to produce, I knew where I wanted to go. I wanted to make disciples that would chase after the Lord in a special way, a way that would eventually cause them to want to lead others themselves. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my destination. I am heading in that same direction today and will continue to strive for it for the rest of my life. However, somewhere along the way I stopped thinking about the needs of the pilot (myself) and was all about the needs of the passengers in the plane (people I was shepherding).
Essentially I had seen spiritual discipline, the spiritual nutrition I needed to survive, start to take a back seat to directing the plane. For example, I was trying to plan content for our student leader meetings before I had taken the time to personally meet with God that day. Trust me, it is going to be pretty tough to get people to where you want them to go if you are asleep at the wheel or so hungry that you can't focus on the controls. Take the time to meet with God on your own. Memorize scripture for you. Study the Bible for you. Share the Gospel so that you can better understand it for yourself. God desires to use you and me to change the world, but he has to change your heart before he can effectively use you.
So personally this was tough. Excuse me, it is tough. I am still working and will continue to work on how to better my relationship with God, but there is something else that I want to share for those of you that will be entering the "real world" soon. Finding a new church home will probably be one of the most humbling things that you will ever do. Early on in this process for Claire and I there was a big, sinful thought that consumed me and it revolved around this idea that I was in some way holier than the people at the church we were trying out. I had so much spiritual street cred. I didn't like people approaching me like I was a new church goer. At the church we have attended the most, the pastor will walk around and introduce himself to people in the pews before the service starts. He came up to Claire and I a couple of times. Every time I would promptly remind him that we were really good friends with Sam Akers. I did this, not to be personable, but because Sam's parents were missionaries with the pastor in the Philippines when Sam was growing up and I hoped that the connection would lift his opinion of us. For some reason, I was extremely anxious and worried about how people in the church perceived me and it really made me not want to attend church for awhile. I now see how foolish I was, and am really excited about allowing God to affirm who I am instead of a pastor or all my friends back at Northwest.
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